I have lately been thinking a lot about age.
As I get closer to turning 60 years old I find myself wondering how I will be able to keep up my current regime including Personal and Group training 6 days a week.
At the present time I thoroughly enjoy every PT session, every bootcamp and small group session and do not like to miss any. Every aspect of my life is better because of it and I am afraid to lose this.
With massive life changes coming over the next few years, retirement, grandchildren, less disposable income I find myself thinking more and more about what it will be like. I don't want anything to change but inevitably it will. This is my mental struggle.
The day to day physical struggles are many and varied. In fact it can vary from day to day or week to week depending on what has been happening, what I have been doing and what I have been eating.
I wonder often where I would be physically right now if I had not nearly 4 years ago sought to improve my quickly deteriorating mobility because of chronic joint pain as a result I can only assume of many years of basketball and the advancing years. I had become resigned to more than likely getting arthritis, having a hip replacement, high blood pressure (something I was already on medication for) and a myriad of other ailments that my parents and grandparents battled in their later years.
What changed my life path is a story in itself and one which Ryan has asked me to put down in order to share it with you.
I don’t really consider myself a spiritual person however I do think a lot about why people, situations and relationships are the way they are, how they came to be where they are and what makes them who or what they are. So what was it then which sent me on this journey I am on……….
I don’t have many regrets in life as I try not to look back but if I could change anything it would be how I looked after myself in the years as a stay at home mum and later as working mum.
I am not saying that I did a bad job more that I could have done a better job had I been more aware of my wellbeing and how it affected the whole family. At the time when we had a young family we were in no way financially able to support the life I have now with a Personal Trainer, gym membership and group training. (Actually, Phil would probably tell you we are still not able to support it but that is another story).
I was able to justify my lifestyle choices by telling myself we couldn’t afford it, I didn’t have time, I was too tired etc. etc. There were people in my life who accepted these excuses and so life rolled on and on with little change. Even when I went back to work after having our babies, at first part-time and then full-time, any spare money we had was spent on the family, the
mortgage and bills.
Still no thought to making those lifestyle changes.
Before I knew it I was 92 kg and 50 years old but reasonably happy with life, or so I thought. Along the way Phil had also gained weight so together we continued to do what we had always done, eating and drinking whatever we wanted because we thought we were okay as we were.
I remember the day I heard that my older brother had lung cancer.
How could he have Lung Cancer?
He had never smoked, lead a reasonably healthy lifestyle, was aware of the need to keep moving had never really been ill his whole life. He had just turned 60 years old and was looking forward to retirement. He had recently become a grandfather and life was pretty good.
He lived in Perth so while I didn’t see him all the time, I spoke to him on the phone once a fortnight and he was my go to guy when there was a problem with our parents.
The thought of him having to go through the treatment they were suggesting was devastating and the fact that he was so far away was killing me.
However, as life is, things roll on without any control and you do what you can to get through.
Phil and I flew to Perth in early April, 3 ½ years after his diagnosis.
The trip was essentially to say goodbye to John as we had been told that he would not live much longer. My initial thought was not to go.
I felt it was going to be too hard, too sad and I had no idea what I would find or what I was even going to say. I knew I had Phil’s total support whatever I decided although he was quietly encouraging me to go.
In the end I did go, knowing that what I was to face would be one of the hardest things I would ever have to do. I went because in the end it was not about me. My brother was dying, the person in my life who had always been there for me no matter what, who had my back, taught me how to kick a football, play cricket, who ran one kilometre home with me when I had fell and split my head open. He needed me, his family needed me, and therefore the decision was a no brainer.
We went straight to the hospice from the airport. We were shown to his room. The first time we saw him he was sleeping and fairly unresponsive, so we stood around his bed, I held his hand, talked to him and we talked about the good times we had had and we laughed. I know he knew I was there and I was glad for that at least.
The next day and the next was much the same. He was very heavily sedated so he was drifting in and out, not saying too much but still aware it seemed that we were there.
On the fourth day I had decided I wouldn’t go in - it was too hard and upsetting me more and more. Phil said he was going and that I should go with him but not go in to the room if I didn’t want to.
I went and stayed in a sitting room while Phil went to visit. He was quickly back saying I should come in because John was sitting up and trying to talk. I couldn’t quite believe that it could be possible so I went in.
Sure enough there he was sitting up, large as life (seems like a dumb thing to say), smiling and trying to verbalise how he was feeling (by this time the cancer had gone to his brain so talking was almost impossible). The absolute delight on his face was something I will never forget. Here was this man so close to death beaming with pure joy at the sight of his small granddaughter and, I would like to think, Phil and myself.
We spent nearly an hour with him that day and I will always be grateful that we got one more memory to join the lifetime of others. On our last day, we went in and again he was unresponsive but sleeping peacefully. I laid my head near his, held his hand and said goodbye. It was the hardest and best thing I have ever done and I will never forget it. I know he heard me and I know he was glad I was there.
He died a week later so we went back to Perth to attend his funeral. I knew I would be alright because I had had him in my life and even though he is no longer a physical presence, I was soon to find out that he would continue to influence my life and the choices I would make.
I don’t want to say that this was the one life changing event but it was the catalyst for me to make a change to my lifestyle. It wasn’t immediate.
John died in April of 2012. The rest of that year was spent adjusting to life without my
family anchor and supporting my Mum through what I know to be a parent’s worst nightmare - losing a child, no matter how old.
2013 came and in May of that year, Phil and I celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary by taking a trip to Hawaii. It was our first trip overseas and we had a great time. We were on the verge of major life changes at this point.
Our eldest daughter had bought her first home and moved out pretty much the weekend after we returned home. So it had begun - the family was leaving home and I started to wonder what my purpose was going to be. Daughter, sister, wife, and mother had been my role forever and suddenly I realised that I had never done anything just for me.
What made me pick joining the gym I cannot tell you exactly.
Perhaps it was because deep down I knew I could no longer ignore the voice in my head that had been telling me I needed to do something about my health. Maybe it was because all of my girls were members of the gym I joined and it was easier to go with someone than alone. Or maybe it was that I had had a reality check when my brother got sick and died. I am going with a combination of all three and probably more.
In July 2013, I walked into the gym and little did I realise that my life would never be the same again. I weighed 92kg and Size 16 - 18 in clothes.
Enter Ryan.
Our partnership began somewhat reluctantly on my part because having a personal trainer was not on my agenda (even though, looking back I don’t think I had a plan other than the gym membership and some hope that I would use it) and, as they say in the classics, the rest is history.
So now, nearly 4 years on, I am 20kg lighter, dropped 3 dress sizes and am happier than I have been in a very long time. The partnership between Ryan and me remains as strong as ever and even though he will hate me saying it, I will never be able to repay him for his part in the transformation of my life. He manages to keep me inspired and motivated to continue on this journey, and is constantly challenging me physically and mentally.
We have since lost another much loved family member. He was 56 years old, and his story reinforces the need to continue with the lifestyle I have chosen, to stay fit, healthy and mobile. And while nobody can anticipate what is to come, as with my brother, giving yourself the best possible chance at life is ultimately all you have and the greatest gift you can give to your loved ones.
I have no choice but to look forward to the future and all the changes it will bring. I will take each day as it comes and embrace those changes. I intend to be fit enough to chase those future grandchildren around and keep up with them, be healthy enough to enjoy many years of retirement and hope to be still training and working on my mobility well into that retirement.
And it goes without saying, there will not be a day that goes by when I will not think about the family no longer with us and the effect losing them has had on my life and the decisions I have made and will make.
So while the mental and physical struggles will always be there, it will be my ability to overcome the challenges and I truly believe that what I do today will strengthen and enhance that ability.
What are you doing today to improve the future you?
Don’t leave it to tomorrow, tomorrow never comes.
Today is all you have.
